Adventures with Crappy Games I
Listen children and gather round, for I, solidbatman, have a story to tell. You see, I was once a big Call of Duty fan. The first 3 PS2 titles were fun and usually tougher than Medal of Honor, which was also a lot of fun for me. However, one fateful day, I bought Call of Duty World at War: Final Fronts. I was excited. I was pumped. I was ready to torch some poor enemy soldier’s face off with a flamethrower.
Sadly, it was not to be. I admit it, I made a mistake in buying a game. I know all of you thought me all knowing and powerful; I still am, but my pride was wounded by this game. You see, the flamethrower was a major let down because I ended up not killing anyone with it. It was basically useless.
Now that wouldn’t have been a huge issue had a certain bug not happened. That bug is technically called, “my squad mate thought he was a god and tried to walk through a tree but instead got stuck in said tree for eternity”. I suppose in that case he is a tree god of some sorts. I did what any solider not played by Tom Hanks would do, I left him in his new found tree (I think a tree elf baking cookies joke should be inserted but no, I wont). I continued the level laying waste to my enemies and then IT happened.
A door needed to be opened. Not a problem, for I am solidbatman, a super solider that can open doo… oh wait. A squad member needs to do it? Ok, ummmm, wait. Isn’t he stuck in a tree at the beginning of the level? Oh crap… I should go get him. Well, I walked all the way back to the beginning of the level to my squad mate’s tree. Sure enough, the poor guy was still stuck in the tree, and not even all 3 of my grenades could get him unstuck. Maybe he was a tree god. Well, that was a fun hour I wasted. I took the game out of the disc tray in anger, placed it back in it’s sleeve in my Big Book of Games, and to this day, have not touched it. The moral of the story kids? Friends don’t let friends mess with trees.
-Yours truly, solidbatman
PS- This series is going to be fun. My stress levels will love it.